I was working with a client recently who had longstanding issues surrounding his feelings of security in relationships. He has been married to his wife for almost 7 years and they dated for 2 ½ years prior to that. This is his second marriage. Yet he admits that he finds himself doubting her commitment to their marriage and he takes out his frustrations in 'the meanest ways possible' as a way of seeking her reassurance. He admits that this is now affecting their marriage. His wife feels that he is in need of constant reassurance and feels this is affecting the depth of their relationship. My client related how his first wife had told him after almost 7 years of marriage that she had never really loved him. This had devastated him. He knows that it is not likely to happen to him in his second marriage, but he still has these irrational thoughts.
There are several areas to work with my client. I chose to explore two areas of possibility:
The first was - what you focus on long enough manifests. What you focus on persists! So if he chose to focus on feelings of insecurity and constant need for reassurance, then bingo it would in time become a self fulfilling prophesy! No matter how committed a partner is to their marriage at some point they may begin to doubt that they have the capacity to continue to provide endless messages of reassurance that seem to be falling on 'deaf ears'. They may decide to move on. The marriage breaks up and voila it has happened again!
The second possibility was requesting my client to 'choose where to come from'. As an ontological coach- the basis of my training is that as humans we have the ability to choose where we are coming from in any of our actions. In other words we have a choice as to how we are being in any given situation. There are two ways of being- Love and Fear. At any given point in time we make a conscious choice to come from a place of fear or love.
For the most part, we tend to come from a place of fear when we are contracted and separate from source. This may show up as a reflex 'knee jerk' response to a circumstance. Coming from fear may occur in a variety of situations such as when we are threatened, insecure, outside of our comfort zone, needing to prove that we are right...the list is endless. Fear may be masked as anger, indignation, feeling victimized, violated, wronged, smarter than or even more superior to another person. Fear is what causes wars and prejudice. On a relationship level fear creates a lack of being in relationship; it creates a chasm of separation.
Making a choice to come from love is more powerful. Love encompasses a way of being that is whole and all inclusive; it is not just between couples or partners. Love is expansive, allows for the inclusion of more possibility. Choosing to come from love allows us to connect with our inner essence. When we live from essence we make more authentic choices which create powerful shifts in our lives. By impacting our lives in this way, we create more authentic relationships, more peace in our households and places of work; that translates to our communities and the world at large.
I invited my client to choose from a place of love, my inquiry to him was to look inside when he had those feelings of insecurity and take a look at where they really coming from. Were they really that he felt that his wife was cheating on him? Or were they more fear of being told that he was not loved as had happened in the past? At that moment he could choose to come from love and "Make Love not War".
Create a powerful shift in your life today!
There are several areas to work with my client. I chose to explore two areas of possibility:
The first was - what you focus on long enough manifests. What you focus on persists! So if he chose to focus on feelings of insecurity and constant need for reassurance, then bingo it would in time become a self fulfilling prophesy! No matter how committed a partner is to their marriage at some point they may begin to doubt that they have the capacity to continue to provide endless messages of reassurance that seem to be falling on 'deaf ears'. They may decide to move on. The marriage breaks up and voila it has happened again!
The second possibility was requesting my client to 'choose where to come from'. As an ontological coach- the basis of my training is that as humans we have the ability to choose where we are coming from in any of our actions. In other words we have a choice as to how we are being in any given situation. There are two ways of being- Love and Fear. At any given point in time we make a conscious choice to come from a place of fear or love.
For the most part, we tend to come from a place of fear when we are contracted and separate from source. This may show up as a reflex 'knee jerk' response to a circumstance. Coming from fear may occur in a variety of situations such as when we are threatened, insecure, outside of our comfort zone, needing to prove that we are right...the list is endless. Fear may be masked as anger, indignation, feeling victimized, violated, wronged, smarter than or even more superior to another person. Fear is what causes wars and prejudice. On a relationship level fear creates a lack of being in relationship; it creates a chasm of separation.
Making a choice to come from love is more powerful. Love encompasses a way of being that is whole and all inclusive; it is not just between couples or partners. Love is expansive, allows for the inclusion of more possibility. Choosing to come from love allows us to connect with our inner essence. When we live from essence we make more authentic choices which create powerful shifts in our lives. By impacting our lives in this way, we create more authentic relationships, more peace in our households and places of work; that translates to our communities and the world at large.
I invited my client to choose from a place of love, my inquiry to him was to look inside when he had those feelings of insecurity and take a look at where they really coming from. Were they really that he felt that his wife was cheating on him? Or were they more fear of being told that he was not loved as had happened in the past? At that moment he could choose to come from love and "Make Love not War".
Create a powerful shift in your life today!
No comments:
Post a Comment